Dumpers Remorse: Complete stages and timeline (2023)

Today we take a closer look at the stages of dumper regret.

First, let's define what the dumper's regret is.

In short, dumper regret can be defined as your ex breaking up with you and regretting it later. The interesting part is that the path leading to that ultimate regret is filled with many twists and turns.

Let's take a close look at each twist and turn. Specifically, the seven phases you can expect.

  1. Absolutely real stage
  2. rationalization phase
  3. The protection level
  4. You are gone forever stage
  5. The nostalgic dream stage
  6. The phase of fear of loss
  7. The Regret Stage

As always, we will extract informationReal life success stories.

We have been blessed with many success stories that we have personally interviewed about getting their ex back or getting over it.

It's always interesting to sit down with these people and ask if their exes had any thoughts on the stages of the process because it gives you a whole different perspective. Let's reduce thatStages of the dumper's remorse.

Level 1: Absolutely true level

Dumpers Remorse: Complete stages and timeline (1)

Nobody likes to admit they made a mistake, especially after the decision, and breakups are no different.

If your ex left you, you won't immediately feel remorse. In fact, they are sure of the decision.

We recently had a comment on our private Facebook support group that illustrates this.

Usually, most cases are in women.trying to get his ex backwho separated from them.

However, this particular example was about a woman who broke up with her boyfriend and was trying to win him back.

This particular example also illustrates the remorse of the abandoned because at the time of leaving her boyfriend the woman was absolutely sure of her decision.

There were many different factors that led to this, but the main factor was self-preservation.

She was trying to protect herself from getting hurt, which is often the same mentality an ex has when they break up with you.

This happens because they believe they will find someone who will better meet their needs or because they are afraid of being hurt by too much emotional intimacy.

They come to the certainty that this is the act (breaking) they must do to fix what they feel inside.

Stage 2: The rationalization phase

Dumpers Remorse: Complete stages and timeline (2)

Part of human instinct is that we tend to be hyper-analytical about our decisions, so no matter how certain or certain we are, a part of us is always wondering if we made the right decision.

This is where the rationalization phase comes into play.

(Video) The Stages Of Dumpers Remorse

Your ex is absolutely sure of his decision to break up with you, but the little doubt creeps into his head. To put an end to this and make sure it doesn't happen again, they start rationalizing their decision.

You start thinking about the negative aspects of the relationship. If they used to fight a lot, they would think about important fights and what they said to each other, but mostly they think about how those times made them feel.

How they felt that sometimes you were too much, too insecure, too scared and how it made them feel empty. They'll overanalyze how all of this made them anxious and they had to keep pushing you away, which didn't feel good. This will rationalize their decision.

Level 3: The protection level

Dumpers Remorse: Complete stages and timeline (4)

The protection level is like level 2 but on steroids.

To fully understand this, we need to break down avoidant attachment styles.

From our YouTube videos, articles, and podcasts, we know that most of our viewers have anxious personality types and most of their ex-boyfriends have avoidant personality types.

The thing about avoidance players is that they want to keep you in check, and they don't want to allow themselves to even consider getting back at you. As a result, they erected an emotional wall.

How does it look?

You will be even further away than before. This is usually what a breakup looks like, if you don't use a no contact rule (which is the prevalent case with clients who are in orbit right now) and are talking to your ex, you'll find that he's very engaged while he's with you speaks. once.

Other times they drive you on and on. You will begin to notice certain energy changes as you interact with them and realize that something is bothering them.

Usually this means they have entered the "protection phase" and have set up their emotional wall to keep them from getting hurt.

It's not about rationalizing your decision or feeling absolutely safe, it's about allowing doubts to creep in. To dispel these doubts or escape the dumpers' remorse, they activate their emotional wall.

Etapa 4: Etapa They are gone forever

Dumpers Remorse: Complete stages and timeline (5)

This stage usually occurs a little later in the process. Normally, the protection phase lasts longer.

(Video) Timeline Comparison For The Dumper and the Person They Dumped

We know this because we've dealt with so many clients to quantify how long each stage takes.

The "gone" phase occurs when enough time has passed and you really start to give up trying to get her back.

Your ex will notice this and start to realize that he may have lost you forever.

The no contact rule is a tool to help you get to this stage.

No contact suggests the "I don't want you back" mentality, and there's one aspect of reverse psychology that we can't ignore.

We emphasize that you implement the no-contact rule not for the reverse psychology aspect, but for internal growth.

However, one of the benefits of this rule is the "I don't want you back" aspect of reverse psychology.

This isn't exactly where the dumper's regret begins, but it's certainly where regret is properly factored into the equation.

Stage 5: The nostalgic dream stage

Dumpers Remorse: Complete stages and timeline (7)

When their walls start to crumble after the no-contact rule, they allow themselves to be nostalgic orI miss you.

One of the biggest misconceptions people have about avoidant exes is that they push you away and want you to stay away forever.

This is not true because they only want you to stay away until they feel safe enough to miss you and they only feel safe missing you when they feel like you are gone forever or moved on are you.

Typically, this is when nostalgia strikes.

They will allow themselves to miss you.

They will think about the good times with you instead of the bad times they were thinking about before.

(Video) The 5 Definitive Stages For A Dumper After A Breakup

They focus on nostalgic items.

Nostalgia is a very interesting component and sometimes this phase comes much later.

Remember that you did everything wrong after the breakup.

Eventually when you do the wrong thing 5-6 months later you decide that you will give up on your ex.

You decide you want to move on, which is healthy, and then the interesting thing happens. Just as you were about to move on, you heard that your ex was interested in talking to you again.

You start to wonder if you still have the same feelings for her when you wanted her back, so you explore that feeling and talk more. This is the phase of nostalgic reverie.

Stage 6: The fear of loss stage

Dumpers Remorse: Complete stages and timeline (8)

Continuing with the previous example, your ex who broke up with you contacts you after a year due to the nostalgic daydreaming period.

However, after a year things are different and maybe you start dating someone else and they weren't aware of that fact. When they experience this fact, the fear of loss is triggered.

Then they turn to themselves, “Oh my God, what have I done? I could have made a mistake.” It's still not full remorse from the dumpers, but they're beginning to realize they're missing out.

An interesting philosophical debate can arise here. Does it bother them that they miss you or is it because you moved in with someone else?

We're inclined to think it's a bit of both. This is because the fond memories and nostalgia need to be there for your ex to want to get closer to you, which along with learning about your new romantic interest creates an incentive to want you back.

This is usually the stage when manysuccess storiestake the initiative. Fear of loss is a powerful factor in compelling your ex to take action.

Level 7: The level of regret

Dumpers Remorse: Complete stages and timeline (10)

Some people will immediately ask for you in the phase of fear of loss or try.

(Video) Five Steps No Contact - (Dumper vs Dumpee)

Others just won't.

People who don't try end up with massive regrets.

This is an underestimated factor in the whole process as the natural assumption is that if someone regrets breaking up with you / experiences dumper remorse, they will act.

That is not true.

We can verify this with a general example.

How many people die with regret?

Regrets of missed opportunities, things they wish they had done. The answer is that many people don't follow their regrets.

This is the great mistake of the dumpers' remorse.

Your ex may have regrets after a breakup but is too scared to take action.

That's what we say to our customers who are afraid to take action because it's not socially acceptable.

Sometimes you have to take the first step; otherwise both will live with regrets.

Today you may regret not trying to see how things would go and your ex would think the same way and in the end the two parties don't want to talk when they both want each other back. Nothing happens and both parties live with remorse.

An important concept of dumper remorse is: don't assume that just because an ex has dumper remorse is enough to try to win you back.

Also, don't assume that just wanting you back is enough for them.

Sometimes an ex just wants that bout of nostalgia.

This can be illustrated by the scenario where you are dying to watch a children's movie or a video game.

You may feel very nostalgic but once you have this game and play it for a while you will feel really good but only for so long. You enjoy this video game for a while, but then you get your fix and put it aside for the next few years.

The same can be true for an ex if they want to talk to you for a while and have you back, but once they've had their dose, they're over you.

That's the fault of the dumpers' remorse. You need to make sure you've achieved external and internal growth, which is crucial to sustaining them when they return.


Dumper regret is an important concept to understand if you need to understand dumper psychology.

It's a concept that explains a lot to you when you've broken up and are confused by your ex's behavior.

The dumper must go through some extensive stages that have deep emotional implications and changes in order to get to the dumper's regret. Let's briefly summarize these steps:

  • Phase 1: Absolutely Safe Phase – The phase when your ex is absolutely sure and feels safe about their decision to break up with you.
  • Stage 2 - The Rationalization Phase - This is the phase where they begin to rationalize their decision by focusing on the elements and reasons that led them to make the decision to break up with you. This can include thinking about bad qualities, fights, differences, and more.
  • Phase 3: The Protection Phase: Doubts start to creep in during this phase, so your ex begins to put up an emotional wall to feel free of doubt and feel secure about their decision.
  • Stage 4: They're Gone Forever: During this stage, regret begins to form a little more in the ex's mind after they've implemented a no contact rule and made no effort to contact them. This makes your ex think that you really are "gone forever."
  • Stage 5: The Nostalgic Daydreaming Stage – In this stage, your avoidant ex begins to think about the nostalgic elements of the relationship and the things that made you feel good. Finally they allow themselves to miss you and finally get close to you.
  • Stage 6: The Fear of Loss Stage – This usually happens after your ex approaches you and finds out you are dating someone else. Their fear of loss sets in and they realize that you really are moving on.
  • Stage 7: The Regret Stage: 50% of people will respond to their desire to get you back after the Loss Fear stage, while 50% will not respond. The 50% who don't follow this impulse end up with great regret. This mistake in dumper's regret is that many people do nothing to fix their regrets. So you end up with two people who like each other but don't communicate.

We hope this article will help youPsychology of a dumperbetter and basically understand the different phases they go through after a breakup.


How long does dumpers remorse last? ›

Your ex is so blindsided by the novelty of being in a new situation that he 100% feels he's made the right decision. What is this? This stage in the dumpers regret timeline tends to brief. It often only lasts a few weeks to up to a month.

What stage of dumper is curiosity? ›

Stage 2 of No Contact for Dumper: Curiosity

Your ex's curiosity will magnify each day because you continue to be silent and show no signs of making an effort to get them back. Your ex begins to wonder what you are doing, since they used to be informed of your daily experiences when you two were together.

Do dumpers come back after months? ›

If you average all the reputable research on the ex recovery process and chances of getting your ex back, there's about a 43.5% chance your ex will come back without doing anything. Those aren't exactly betting odds. That means six out of ten times you're probably not going to get your ex back.

How long after a breakup do guys regret it? ›

Men often go through an emotional state called “Dumpers Remorse” after the woman finally goes away. This state hits after one month to six weeks after the man passes through the initial happy phase after a breakup. He starts to give away signs he knows he messed up the whole thing from that time.

How long does it take for dumpers remorse to kick in? ›

Generally speaking, some dumpers regret their decision to break up only weeks after the incident. Other dumpers need years to feel that way. And some never even arrive at the final stage of dumpers remorse. Instead, they move on to someone else — be it a rebound or not.

Do emotionally unavailable dumpers come back? ›

Most of the time no contact with an emotionally unavailable man or woman works because it gives them the space and the time they need to think about themselves and their relationship. Often dumpers do come back because they have had the time to reflect on their actions and emotions.

What silence does to the dumper? ›

Silence after being dumped keeps the dumper totally confused. Being dumped by silent treatment will make your ex lose any sense of power they thought they had. Even if your ex was the one who decided to part ways, your sudden absence is going to make them re-evaluate things as they stand.

Does silence make the dumper miss you? ›

Radio silence simply refers to the act of being distant from your partner in order to make him come back to you. When done the right way, it allows your ex to miss and crave you more. It reaffirms and reawakens the feels he has for you, compelling him to come back.

What are the chances of dumper coming back? ›

If you average all the reputable research on the ex recovery process and chances of getting your ex back, there's about a 43.5% chance your ex will come back without doing anything. Those aren't exactly betting odds. That means six out of ten times you're probably not going to get your ex back.

Do dumpers always move on faster? ›

If a secure attachment ex broke up with you, they are much more likely to move on from the breakup quickly compared to the other attachment styles. They have so much fortitude and self-confidence that they understand that there is much more to them as individuals aside from their relationship.

Do exes reach out months later? ›

If your ex has suddenly messaged you after months, they may be having second thoughts. A few months into your split is enough time for doubt to well and truly set in. In the heat of a breakup, we can quite clearly remember all the grievances we have in a relationship.

Do exes come back after 2 months? ›

Yes, exes do come back. They do it all time. We conducted a study and found that around 30% of people get their exes back after a breakup. But out of those 30%, only 15% stay together in a healthy relationship.

How do you tell he regrets losing you? ›

Here are some of the signs your ex regrets dumping you.
  1. They begin to communicate with you. ...
  2. They apologize for the breakup. ...
  3. They show more affection. ...
  4. They try to atone for past mistakes. ...
  5. They show pessimism when you tell them someone else is involved. ...
  6. They stalk you. ...
  7. They try to go through your friends.
Jul 8, 2022

Do guys regret letting a good girl go? ›

Men don't tend to feel regret straight away. In fact, it can take them up to six months before they start to regret losing a good woman. One of the things that will make him regret it sooner is seeing you with someone better than him.

Why do breakups hit guys later? ›

Men may sometimes blame others more and not fully accept their own shortcomings. Studies have found that men tend to deny their mistakes, minimize their faults, and blame their partners for the breakups. This leads to them spending the first few weeks of a breakup angry at their partner.

How does the dumper feel after a month? ›

About a month after a breakup the dumper is probably still feeling pretty relieved about having done the horrible part of breaking up and is likely to still be enjoying the 'freedom' That's why no contact is so important in that first month because any contact from you will not be welcome.

Will he ever come back after dumping me? ›

The truth is that most guys will at one point consider coming back after dumping you but that doesn't necessarily mean they will act on it. Deciding whether or not to come back depends on many different factors like the reason for the breakup and if they can find someone they think is better than you.

How do you tell if the dumper wants you back? ›

Signs The Dumper Wants You Back
  1. How To Understand The Nudge Principle.
  2. Shy Exes Will Subtly Flirt With You Through Their Love Language.
  3. Your Ex Will Send You Things That Make You Laugh To See How You'll React.
  4. Consistently Mentions Positive Memories Of You Together.
  5. They'll Say Positive Things To Your Sphere of Influence.
Jan 22, 2022

Can an emotionally unavailable person miss you? ›

An emotionally unavailable man may miss you when you take a break from the relationship, are away from his immediate reach, or feel detached from you. Research has shown that although emotionally unavailable, the emotionally unavailable man is not without feelings.

Does no contact work on emotionally unavailable? ›

Often, no contact is the best way to help an emotionally unavailable man or woman feel more in touch with their own emotions and feelings. During this alone time, you can get the help you need from therapists, psychologists or by talking to your close friends and family.

How do you make a dumper miss you? ›

How To Make Your Ex Miss You After A Breakup
  1. Do Not Try To Contact Them. ...
  2. Do Not Receive Their Calls And Respond To Their Texts. ...
  3. Reinvent Yourself. ...
  4. Meet New People And Make New Friends. ...
  5. Talk To Their Friends. ...
  6. Check Out The Outside Dating World. ...
  7. Take A Vacation. ...
  8. Be Active On Social Media.
Dec 13, 2022

Why silence is powerful with an ex? ›

There is no easy way to deal with a breakup, but remaining silent actually speaks volumes to your ex. After all, actions speak louder than words! By staying silent, you're telling your ex that you're strong, resilient, and independent. You're relying on yourself — and no one else — for your own happiness.

Can silence bring him back? ›

The simple answer to the above questions is yes. When you walk away and make him miss you, it's typical for a man to come back to you. The power of silence after a breakup is highly effective in making your partner come back. To start with, going silent after a breakup is a sign of confidence and self-esteem.

What is the power of no contact after being dumped? ›

The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.

Why does the dumper want no contact? ›

Why does the dumper want no contact? They are signaling that they don't want to be dependent anymore. Some Dumpers don't like that and will make an attempt to get their power over them back. This is the reason Dumpers eventually contact the Dumpee.

Should Dumpee ever contact dumper? ›

Today we're going to talk about if the dumpee should ever contact the dumper after a breakup. The quick and short answer: Yes, in fact I'd encourage it but only if a certain set of criteria is met. And that's what this article is about, showing you the criteria in which the dumpee should contact the dumper.

Do dumpers miss us? ›

In most cases, if you give your ex enough space, they will at some point miss you. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to get on their hands and knees and beg for you back. For some the “missing emotion” can be fleeting. For others, all consuming.

Who moves on faster after a breakup dumper or dumpee? ›

Dumpers have it easier during no contact than dumpees — they move through the breakup stages much faster, for starters. Still, there are also many similarities when comparing the experiences of the two. Dumpers may also want their ex back. They may also be looking for signs that they still have a chance.

Can the dumper be heartbroken? ›

It may seem cold if they seem like they don't care at you at all but our research has found that isn't entirely true. Dumpers do hurt just like dumpees but they have a different way of processing the grief than you do because they view relationships in a different way fundamentally.

Who moves on faster after a breakup? ›

There's a reason for this, according to new data from Match's Singles in America survey: Guys just get over breakups faster. Match surveyed more than 5,000 men and women and found that half of dudes are over a rejection in a month, while the average woman takes four months to get over it.

How often do exes get back in touch? ›

Key points. Research finds that 40-50 percent of people have reunited with an ex to start a new relationship. On-again relationships tend to suffer lower relationship quality and worse functioning than never-broken relationships. People often resume relationships with ex-partners because of lingering feelings.

What makes an ex reach out? ›

Exes reach out for a lot of reasons, and wanting a relationship again might be one of them. However, your ex might also be reaching out because they want closure, because they want to be friends, or because they just want to hook up one last time. It can be a shock to get a random text or phone call from your ex.

What is he thinking after 2 weeks of no contact? ›

He could feel angry or upset. He might think you're being rude or fake, and may even try to confront you about it or get a rebound girlfriend in response. Anger usually gives way to remorse after a few days or weeks and is a normal response to breakups or the silent treatment.

Is 2 months a long time after a breakup? ›

"Most people need a month or two to process the breakup, to mourn, and to integrate lessons before jumping back in if they were in a fairly serious relationship," she says. If you dated someone for a year or more, you may need three to four months.

How long do exes miss you? ›

Today we're going to talk about exactly how long it usually takes for an ex to miss you after a breakup. In fact, based on our research you can expect the average ex to begin missing you anywhere between 2.5 to 5.2 months after a breakup assuming you put forth signals that you are “moving on from them.”

How long should exes wait to get back together? ›

"If it was over something really trivial, for example, you may be able to patch things up in a day or two. If it was over something more serious, it's a good idea to take a month apart so that you have time to get your emotions in check and get clarity about the situation.

How do you know if a guy is heartbroken? ›

If he avoids seeing you at all costs even though it is important, it is one of the signs he is heartbroken over you. He knows that when he sees you, the memories will come flooding, and it might be too much for him to handle. Also, he would ensure avoiding places where you are likely to show up.

How do you tell if your ex is waiting for you? ›

Here are the top twenty signs your ex is waiting for you to help you decide.
  • They contact you again. ...
  • They ask to be friends again. ...
  • They ask to meet up. ...
  • They flirt with you. ...
  • They text you on important days. ...
  • They are still single. ...
  • They post too many pictures with others. ...
  • They take the blame for the breakup.
Jul 26, 2022

How do you know when your ex is truly done with you? ›

Today we will go through 13 signs that show your ex is truly done with you.
  • Your Exes Rebound Is No Longer A Rebound.
  • They Never Unblock You.
  • It's Been Months And All Of Your Pictures Together Are Still Up.
  • You Can Tell They Are Just Responding To Be Nice To You.
Sep 10, 2021

Does the dumper go through grief? ›

So, Does The Dumper Hurt Too? In short, yes, but their grief is going to be different because if the dumper is an avoidant they've come up with all these coping mechanisms to suppress how they're feeling. Think of it like a more agonizing process that on the outside might not look like they're grieving at all.

Does the dumper ever miss the dumpee? ›

In most cases, if you give your ex enough space, they will at some point miss you. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to get on their hands and knees and beg for you back. For some the “missing emotion” can be fleeting. For others, all consuming.

Do exes come back after dumping? ›

Yes, exes do come back. They do it all time. We conducted a study and found that around 30% of people get their exes back after a breakup. But out of those 30%, only 15% stay together in a healthy relationship.

How does silence affect the dumper? ›

Silence after being dumped keeps the dumper totally confused. Being dumped by silent treatment will make your ex lose any sense of power they thought they had. Even if your ex was the one who decided to part ways, your sudden absence is going to make them re-evaluate things as they stand.

How to make the dumper miss you? ›

How To Make Your Ex Miss You After A Breakup
  1. Do Not Try To Contact Them. ...
  2. Do Not Receive Their Calls And Respond To Their Texts. ...
  3. Reinvent Yourself. ...
  4. Meet New People And Make New Friends. ...
  5. Talk To Their Friends. ...
  6. Check Out The Outside Dating World. ...
  7. Take A Vacation. ...
  8. Be Active On Social Media.
Dec 13, 2022

Is no contact hard for the dumper? ›

The stages of no contact for dumper, who is a male becomes more challenging if his ex is the only confidante he has had for the longest time. The no contact dumper perspective for males is challenging, but they have to stick to it to make it work.

What is the psychology of no contact on dumper? ›

No contact psychologically turns the tables. Your ex realizes that you could be the one to want something else. In fact, now your ex is in the anxious position of worrying that their act of breaking up with you could be a mark against them in your mind/heart. That maybe they messed things up by dumping you.

In what situations do exes come back? ›

Your ex might return for various reasons. For example, they could miss you, still feel in love, or want to work on the conflicts that ended the relationship. In other cases, they might feel lonely, don't want to take responsibility for their actions, or feel the breakup wasn't permanent.


1. The Psychology Behind Dumpers Remorse
(Chris Seiter)
2. Episode 109: How To Get Over An Ex
(Men of Doozy)
3. 7 Stages The Dumper Goes Through During No Contact
(A New Mode)
4. Dumper vs Dumpee Timeline - Breakup 'No Contact' Stages (Podcast 403)
(Vincent Bos)
5. How Long does it take for a Dumper to Regret? Will He even Regret?
(University of Obsession)
6. 5 Stages Of A Break Up For The Dumper
(Magnet of Success)
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