Don't let yourself feel trapped in an unhappy marriage. Showing interest in fixing your marriage is a great first step and shows that you are willing to do anything to rebuild your relationship. The next step is to act. Here are eight ways to fix your marriage when it's falling apart:
1. Share the joy of others
Your spouse should be the first person you want to share good news with. Take time each night to share something you are happy about or want. Truly listen and share the joy of others. Show enthusiasm for even the simplest things.researchersI found that couples who did this together every day felt closer.
Get in the habit of spending a few minutes each night talking with your spouse. This could end up saving her marriage.
2. Blame the situation, not your spouse.
One of the main differences between happy and unhappy marriages is whether someoneassign a problemsuch as the fault of the spouse or a temporary situation. Those who view problems as temporary rather than blaming their spouse are generally happier in their marriages.
Don't jump to conclusions if your partner is late for work. Consider other options. Maybe a meeting was delayed or maybe traffic was stopped that day. You can avoid a potential argument by taking a moment to think things through instead of pointing fingers.
3. Eliminate the three A's that ruin marriages
Addictions, love affairs and excessive anger break relationships, according to a marriage expertSusan Heitler. Heitler suggests ending your marriage if his spouse has these three A's, but that advice is not what it sounds like.
"That is, to break the old marriage",she says. “Build a new one with the same partner. Build a marriage where there are no affairs, addictions or excessive anger and instead love and trust abound.
4. Kiss more
Kissing or touching your partner when you're angry may make you wince, but it will be worth it. Being physically intimate increases the positive experiences between the two of you, and while it doesn't eliminate the negative experiences, it does give your marriage something good to hold on to.
Psychologist and MarriageJuan Gottmansays that the magic ratio is 5:1. In successful relationships, there are five times as many positive experiences as negative ones.HeitlerHe says that if you want your marriage to thrive and not just survive, you need to adjust that ratio to 100 million to one. For every bad experience your marriage faces, try to create at least five good experiences together.
5. Let your conflict lead you to growth.
Do not run away from conflict at first sight. Let it be an opportunity to learn and grow, both for you and for your relationship.
"Problems don't necessarily mean the marriage has to end," says the relationship therapist.jeannie ingram. "Conflict means that new growth is trying to occur."
Think about what you can learn from your problems. When you can learn from past mistakes, it helps you avoid potential future conflicts and will benefit your marriage.
6. Know the difference between quality and quantity
They may spend a lot of time together, but they are spendingqualitytime together? The quantity is simply a quantity. You may spend a lot of time together doing things like folding laundry, cooking dinner, or shopping. But quality time is something more significant.
You can make even mundane activities meaningful. Share your successes, fears, and happy memories as you complete a task together. Give meaning to your time together by using it as an opportunity to build your relationship.
7. Ask yourself why you want this to work
Return to basic. Think about everyone involved (the two of you and possibly the kids) and list the reasons you want your marriage to work.
"By far the strongest predictor of relationship success is the desire to make the relationship work, regardless of the challenges," says the relationship therapist.Antonio Borrello.
If both of you are completely willing to put in the time, effort, and patience to repair your marriage, you can overcome your challenges.
8. Remember why you fell in love
Write down some of the qualities of your boyfriend that you were attracted to when you started dating. Sometimes remembering what brought you together so many years ago can bring you together again.
Marriage is amazing, but it comes with a lot of work. Your relationship will have its ups and downs, just like everyone else's, but how you work together to overcome your challenges is the big difference between a marriage that fails and a marriage that succeeds.
Shaelynn Miller, FamilyShare
Shaelynn Miller is a journalist with a passion for photography, video production, and writing. Contact her at shaelynnwalker@gmail.com.
